The Biggest Hurdle in Parenting: Parenting Itself

By Girish Panicker

Parent Coach | Author of Simple Parenting | Founder Shaping Tree

The Paradox of Parenting

Over the years, as I’ve interacted with thousands of parents through my workshops, coaching programs, and courses, I’ve come to see a paradox that most parents carry unknowingly:

The biggest hurdle in parenting is not the child.

It’s not even the external world.

It’s the burden of parenting itself.

We’ve made “parenting” into a pressure-cooker word — a performance, a job, a checklist of ideals we must live up to. Somewhere in the process, we’ve forgotten what it means to simply be with our children.

Let me explain.

1. The Burden of Parenting

Many parents carry parenting like a burden. There’s a constant need to “get it right.” We fear messing up our child’s future. Every choice feels heavy — from screen time to school admissions.

I once coached a mother who felt exhausted by the daily grind of “doing everything right.” Her evenings were filled with rules, reminders, and regrets. Her child, meanwhile, just wanted 10 minutes of silly play and undivided attention.

When we drop the burden, we make space for connection.

2. The Guilt of Parenting

Then comes guilt — a silent companion of almost every parent.

We feel guilty for working late, for not being patient enough, for not being “fun” like other parents, for not giving enough time, or sometimes, for giving too much time and still not getting it right.

But parenting isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being present. When we let go of guilt, we become emotionally available. And that’s what children crave the most.

3. The Pressure of Being a “Good Parent”

This one’s tricky. Society, social media, and self-help books have created an image of the “ideal parent.” We measure ourselves against filtered snapshots of others’ lives.

But children don’t need perfect parents. They need real ones — ones who can laugh, make mistakes, say sorry, dance in the kitchen, and cry when overwhelmed.

Being “good” isn’t about ticking boxes. It’s about showing up as yourself — lovingly, consistently, and openly.

4. The Ideas About Parenting

We enter parenthood loaded with beliefs:

• “Children must listen.”

• “Respect must be demanded.”

• “Discipline is everything.”

• “If I don’t control them, I’ll lose them.”

  
  

These ideas often come from how we were raised — but today’s world needs evolved parents. When we cling to outdated scripts, we block growth. But when we unlearn, we make space for real understanding.

I encourage parents to drop these ideas and observe their children afresh. What do they really need right now? Is it control or connection

So, What Do I Mean When I Say: “Forget Parenting”?

It doesn’t mean we become careless or permissive. It doesn’t mean we stop guiding our children. Far from it.

It means we stop performing parenting…

And start living the relationship.

It’s about replacing control with curiosity, authority with authenticity, and rules with relationship.

It’s about enjoying the journey:

• The giggles during bedtime.

• The weird questions during dinner.

• The quiet moments in the car.

• The proud smile when they tie their own shoelaces.

  
  

Parenting is not a goal. It’s a daily connection.

A New Path for the Bold Ones

This is exactly why I created the Parent as Coach and Counselor course — for parents who are bold enough to let go of the beaten path and choose a new one:

One filled with play, presence, emotional growth, and meaningful communication.

This course is not for those looking for formulas. It’s for those ready to explore a deeper, more fulfilling way to raise emotionally strong, mentally resilient, and deeply connected children — without losing themselves in the process.

If you’re ready to forget parenting — and start connecting for life — I invite you to join this transformational journey.

Because your child doesn’t need a perfect parent.

They just need you — relaxed, real, and present.

Let’s drop the parenting mask and meet our children in the truth of who we are. That’s where the magic begins.