Why 12-13 - Year - Olds Are Comfortable Using Foul Language - A Parenting Coach’s Wake - Up Call

I was recently speaking to a group of 7th standard students in a school.

The topic was simple yet sensitive:

“Stop using foul language and start using positive language.”

I didn’t begin with rules or warnings.

I began with a question.

“Are you comfortable using foul language?”

To my surprise, most hands went up confidently.

No hesitation.

No embarrassment.

As a parenting coach and teen coach, that moment stayed with me.

So I asked the next obvious question.

“Why do you use foul language?”

The answers came quickly and honestly:

• “It makes us feel cool and trendy.”

• “We feel superior.”

• “People listen to us.”

• “We can force our views.”

Some students went deeper:

• “Sir, we use it when we are angry.”

• “When we feel sad or depressed.”

• “It helps us come out of a bad mood.”

A few added something important:

“With close friends, it feels okay.”

This wasn’t rebellion.

This was emotional expression mixed with peer pressure.

“Where Did You Learn These Words From?”

This one didn’t take long:

• Social media

• Movies

• OTT platforms

• Friends

And then, very quietly, one or two students said:

“Parents.”

“Teachers.”

That silence that followed was louder than any answer.

Because children don’t just learn language.

They absorb behaviour.

The Question That Changed the Room

I then asked them something different.

“If someone body-shames you or uses foul language on you, how do you feel?”

The tone shifted immediately.

• “Angry.”

• “Sad.”

• “Left out.”

• “Sometimes it leads to depression.”

So I reflected this back to them:

“You say you use foul language when you are angry, sad, or depressed.”

“And when someone uses the same language on you, you feel angry, sad, depressed, and inferior.”

Then I asked:

“So what’s the point?”

And followed it with:

“Are we using foul language because it’s who we are, or because we want validation from the crowd?”

That’s when real thinking began.

What the Children Came Up With (Not Adults)

I divided them into groups and asked:

“What can you do to stop foul language in school?”

Their solutions were powerful:

• Peer scorecards – groups would observe each other and note usage

• Awareness charts showing the negative effects of foul language

• Monitoring their own social media content

• Creating reminders instead of punishments

No threats.

No fear.

Just ownership.

And that’s when I realised something important.

What I Understood as a Parenting Coach

Children between 12–13 years are not careless.

They are highly impressionable.

They follow trends because:

• Acceptance matters

• Belonging matters

• Being “cool” matters

But here’s the truth:

When you make teens aware of consequences, they don’t resist.They respond with responsibility.

They don’t need lectures.

They need guided conversations.

The Bigger Alarm Bell for Parents

Here’s a reality we must talk about openly.

Most 7th standard students today already own smartphones.

As a parenting coach working with parents of teens, I see this daily.

Phones are given because:

• “All their friends have one”

• “They need it for studies”

• “We don’t want them to feel left out”

But the real question is:

Are parents tracking what comes with the phone?

Because along with a smartphone comes:

• Unfiltered content

• Abusive language

• Adult humour

• Unrealistic comparisons

• Constant peer pressure

A child doesn’t just use a phone.A phone shapes a child’s thinking.

And honestly, why does a child below 10th grade need a smartphone of their own?

The World Is Already Rethinking Screens

When Australia bans social media for children below 16,and countries like Sweden and Denmark consider returning to books instead of screens in classrooms—

It makes us pause.

Instead of only restricting children,shouldn’t we be educating them about the harmful effects of social media?

Awareness lasts longer than rules.

Where ParentTeen Life Academy Comes In

At ParentTeen Life Academy, this is exactly how we work.

We don’t label children as “problematic”.We don’t blame parents either.

We:

• Work with parents to understand teen psychology

• Coach teens to regulate emotions and build self-awareness

• Help families build healthy communication

• Address issues like peer pressure, social media influence, confidence, language, and behaviour

Real change happens when parents and teens grow together.

My Suggestions to Parents

If you’re a parent reading this, here’s my honest advice:

1. Delay smartphones as much as possible

2. If a phone is given, supervision is essential

3. Talk with your child, not at them

4. Model the language you expect

5. Replace control with conscious guidance

Children don’t need strict parents.They need aware adults.

That session reminded me once again:

When we guide children with awareness,

they don’t just change behaviour —they change thinking.

And that’s real parenting.